1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,959
CHURCH BELL TOLLS

2
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:06,959
Smile

3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,959
Though your heart is aching

4
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,959
Smile even though... 

5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,959
'Mourning is love
desperate to find you.

6
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,959
'Mourning is love without a home.'

7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:19,159
There are clouds... 

8
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,959
'Mourning is love
showing you our unbreakable bond.'

9
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,959
You'll get by... 

10
00:00:24,960 --> 00:00:25,959
Mourning is love...

11
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,959
BREATH TREMBLES

12
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:30,959
..clinging to the hope one day
we will see each other again.

13
00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,319
SHE SOBS

14
00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,799
WEEPING: He died too young, lad.

15
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:36,319
It's all right. It's all right.

16
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,959
I've decided on an open casket

17
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:42,959
so that we can all celebrate
his life together one last time.

18
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,959
Just smile... 

19
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,639
SCREAMING: Why, Divock?!

20
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:48,480
You were taken too soon, lad!

21
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,160
Rest easy, little fella.

22
00:00:52,911 --> 00:00:54,959
HE SOBS

23
00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:57,960
When I needed a hand,
I found your paw.

24
00:01:10,731 --> 00:01:14,959
If you wanna run away with me
I know a galaxy

25
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,959
And I can take you for a ride

26
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,959
Glitter in the sky
Glitter in my eyes

27
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,959
Shining just the way I like

28
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,799
If you're feeling like... 

29
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,159
Oh, my God, is she pregnant?
With him?

30
00:01:26,160 --> 00:01:27,959
GASPING
Is it the posh lad's?

31
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:29,959
I didn't know he had it in him.

32
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:32,959
KISS
It's his. Dirty bastard.

33
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:33,999
No way.
GASPING

34
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,959
Wey! Ohh!
LAUGHTER

35
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:37,959
Fuck off!

36
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,959
Well done for not being preggers,
though, you two.

37
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:41,959
You've been together,
like, four weeks.

38
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,959
That's a record for round here,
that.

39
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,959
Aimee, stop embarrassing yourself.
This is painful to watch.

40
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:47,959
What are you on about, you gimp?

41
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,959
You getting with this posh muppet
just to get close to me.

42
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,639
Look, I know it's a difficult time

43
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,999
with the anniversary of our kiss
approaching but you've just gotta...

44
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,959
You're obsessed with this kiss,
Reece.

45
00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,959
I'm the best kiss you've ever had,
aren't I? Oh, it's OK to admit it.

46
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,959
Nah, cos you're a bad kisser. Mm,
I felt you get hard when we kissed.

47
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:04,959
I was thinking of Mo Salah.

48
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,959
He's not even signed
a new contract, though!

49
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,959
LAUGHTER
Did he just say that?

50
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:10,959
I've got a kid at 16 now, boys,

51
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,959
with a slight air of uncertainty
if it's mine or not.

52
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,639
Told you I'm turning
into a fully-fledged Scouser!

53
00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:17,959
Lad, you will never be a Scouser.

54
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:18,959
You own a pair of wellies.

55
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:19,959
LAUGHTER
Wellie boy!

56
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,959
My nan got them me for Christmas.
Your what? Your nan?

57
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:25,959
Lads, tomorrow night, don't forget,
my dad's picking up us at six -

58
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:27,959
footy and then karaoke.

59
00:02:27,960 --> 00:02:29,159
Yeah!
Ah!

60
00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,959
You know, 16 years of being absent
could all be forgotten

61
00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,959
if he nails a rendition of Hey Jude.

62
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:35,959
LAUGHTER
Shut up.

63
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:36,959
He's trying.

64
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:39,799
Sorry, I just find it insensitive,
you talking about your alive dad,

65
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,639
when you know mine's dead.
Ah, selfish.

66
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:42,959
He's right, mate.

67
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,959
You know, I feel like you've been
very insensitive lately.

68
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,959
You're not even thinking
about your poor ma,

69
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,479
who's probably going through
a whirlwind of emotions right now.

70
00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:51,159
She is. Cos I am.
What?

71
00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:52,959
I reckon this year is the year

72
00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:55,639
I should finally
bury my face in her arse.

73
00:02:55,640 --> 00:02:56,959
THEY GROAN
No, listen!

74
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,959
If I had the choice of eating
chicken dippers out of her arse,

75
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,999
and while I'm in there, I get
hit by a bus like Divock did...

76
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:05,959
Nah, that...
..I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'd take it.

77
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,999
What a last meal! What a way to go.

78
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,319
Too soon, lad.

79
00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:10,959
What?!
You're a little ming, you know.

80
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,010
What d'you mean?

81
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,959
So, boys,
how's the Buddy-Up scheme going?

82
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,959
I'm a changed man, sir.
A stroke of genius from you

83
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,959
to pair me with
this inspirational guiding light.

84
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,959
Can I ask, though, sir?

85
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,959
You didn't put us together
cos we're both gay, did you?

86
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,959
Are you?

87
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,959
I just thought you both had views

88
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,959
that were perhaps
more on the, er, liberal side.

89
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,959
So, when you paired that
Nigerian lad who looks about 40

90
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,959
with the Senegalese lad
who looks about 50,

91
00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,479
that was random, was it?

92
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,959
Yeah, completely random.

93
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,959
They are thriving.
Can't argue with results!

94
00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:46,959
LAUGHTER

95
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,959
What about these two?

96
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,799
I think you'll find her hair colour
is orchid purple,

97
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,959
and hers is heliotrope purple.

98
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:55,959
And they're both hardcore vegans.

99
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:57,959
Well, it's not for me
to cast aspersions

100
00:03:57,960 --> 00:03:59,959
on the dietary requirements
of other people.

101
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:00,959
Why are them two together?

102
00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:02,799
Generational talent...

103
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,959
Actually, they're both short.

104
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,799
Hard to tell when you're sitting.

105
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:10,639
Sir, I don't care if you
put us together cos we're both gay.

106
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,959
I've learnt
so much from him already.

107
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:14,319
I'm lucky that,

108
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:18,959
in a world where gay men still
face the threat of persecution,

109
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:21,959
I have a mentor like Ted Price,

110
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,959
who makes me feel safe, secure
and free to be who I am.

111
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,320
CHUCKLES SOFTLY
That's lovely, that is.

112
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,959
And just to clarify 100%...

113
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,959
I had no idea you were both gay.

114
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:35,959
Mm. Oh.
Close the door on the way out.

115
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:36,959
DOOR BANGS OPEN

116
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,959
I despise your face with a passion.

117
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,959
La, don't talk to me
for the next five weeks

118
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:41,999
until this bloody scheme is over.

119
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,959
Are you sure you'll make
five more weeks, Grandad?

120
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,959
I'm a year older than you,
so watch your mouth, Mr One Pube.

121
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,479
Why? What are you gonna do?

122
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:52,959
Bore me to death with tales of
how life was bad for us in the '50s

123
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,959
cos we got thrown in jail
for bumming?

124
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:56,799
You know,
it's hard to take you seriously,

125
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,210
considering your voice
hasn't even broke yet!

126
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,959
You all right, Jodie? Is Reece in?

127
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:06,159
He's just nipped
down the shop for me.

128
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:07,959
Oh, OK.

129
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,959
Do you not wanna come inside
and wait for him?

130
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,800
Er, yeah. Yeah, all right.

131
00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:19,319
Is that a new cap?

132
00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:21,959
Er, yeah, it is.

133
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:22,959
Suits ya.

134
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,959
Thanks.

135
00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,959
Do you want some tea? I'm doing me
something. Yeah, go ahead. Sound.

136
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,960
I was thinking, er, wedges and...

137
00:05:34,911 --> 00:05:36,959
..chicken dippers?

138
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:38,959
CHOKED VOICE: Yep. Yep.

139
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:42,159
How do you like your dippers, Con?
I don't mind.

140
00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,959
Do you want them in the oven,
on the grill?

141
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:45,959
Whatever.

142
00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,799
Coming out my arse, then?

143
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:48,959
HE CHOKES

144
00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:50,959
SPLUTTERING
GASPING: What? No.

145
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,959
Reece tells me everything,
you blurt.

146
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:54,959
HE COUGHS

147
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,639
It's all right, don't worry
about it. I know what lads are like.

148
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:58,959
It's just banter anyway, innit?

149
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,960
Come to think of it,
I've had a bit of a rough day, so...

150
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:04,960
..I'd be up for a bit of fun...

151
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:07,960
..if you are.

152
00:06:12,591 --> 00:06:17,959
What do you mean you can't play?
It's starting in a minute.

153
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,959
'Don't worry. I put a shout out on
Discord to get you a new partner.'

154
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:22,799
Oh, is it someone we know?

155
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,959
Is it Hellfire?
He's better than you, to be honest.

156
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:28,959
'No, some random
called YeNansButtPlug.

157
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,010
'Oh, he's joining the chat now.
OK, bye!'

158
00:06:31,011 --> 00:06:33,959
COMPUTER CHIMES
Is this YeNansButtPlug?

159
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,959
Hello?

160
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:39,959
SINGING: 'I can be your hero, baby.'

161
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,959
IN SAME TUNE: What an absolute
bellend, baby.

162
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:44,959
Grow up.
PLAYER'S GUN COCKS

163
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,160
VIDEO GAME: 'Round one.'

164
00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:52,959
Oh, lad! What have I told you about
leaving your weps on top of mine?

165
00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:54,959
It marks them!

166
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,960
JODIE GIGGLES
FROM UPSTAIRS

167
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,959
HE SNIFFS,
LAUGHTER

168
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:09,959
CON: Just tie it, please!

169
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,010
What the fuck?

170
00:07:13,640 --> 00:07:16,959
Birds Eye?
LAUGHTER

171
00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:18,010
No...

172
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,959
It can't be... No.

173
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:24,959
JODIE LAUGHS

174
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:27,250
Are you sure you'll be able
to get it back out?

175
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,010
Mum!

176
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:34,960
Con!

177
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,959
THEY LAUGH

178
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,639
That's what you get
for grassing him up!

179
00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:44,960
That was a warning.
Next time, I'm in there for real.

180
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:48,639
VIDEO GAME: 'Winner.'
Get in!

181
00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:49,959
SHE LAUGHS

182
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,959
Hey, I'm sorry I had a go at you
about your name.

183
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:53,959
Bit of a sore subject, you see,

184
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,959
cos my nan actually showed me
her butt plug collection once

185
00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,799
when I went round... Traumatising.

186
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,799
Especially as each one
came with a practical demonstration.

187
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:06,959
'Hang on, do we have the same nan?
Are we related?'

188
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,960
SHE GIGGLES

189
00:08:08,961 --> 00:08:14,959
Oh, I thought the interview would be
in person, but Zoom's fine.

190
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,960
I'm really looking forward to it.
See you then.

191
00:08:17,961 --> 00:08:20,319
Oo-er, what you
looking forward to, girl?

192
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,960
You got a fella on the go?

193
00:08:21,961 --> 00:08:23,959
Er, yeah.
Ooh! Ooh!

194
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Yeah, I've got a little date.
Been on the old Tinder and that.

195
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,479
MOCKING: Mustard, boy!

196
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,959
Oh, stop adding "boy"
to the end of everything

197
00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:33,959
because you think
it makes it an insult!

198
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,959
You can do it to anything
and it sounds insulting.

199
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:39,479
"Oh, building an orphanage
to save the children, boy!" See?

200
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:41,100
All right, lad. I was only messing.

201
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,799
Geek theory about boy, boy!

202
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,959
LAUGHTER

203
00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:51,959
Some top-tier scran we've had today.

204
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:52,959
Scranny McPhee.

205
00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,959
Scrange Postecoglou.
Scran Boleyn.

206
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:58,959
LAUGHTER

207
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,960
Battenberg, boy!
LAUGHTER

208
00:09:00,961 --> 00:09:03,999
It's all about bread crumbing now,
girl.

209
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:05,799
Keeping the lads interested

210
00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:07,959
by feeding them little breadcrumbs
now and again.

211
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,959
Like a like on Insta,
a random flirty text,

212
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,799
a blow job...

213
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:13,159
Last one was a joke.

214
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,959
SING-SONG: Reece Duffy, Duffy.

215
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,959
He loves a Batten-bee.

216
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,959
TOGETHER: He gets it down in three.

217
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:23,959
Reece Duffy, Duffy!

218
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:26,639
Putting more in the bin
than you are in your mouth again?

219
00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,960
Lad, if there's anything
you wanna talk about, you can.

220
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:32,960
Suppose there is one thing.

221
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,959
How do I get this knob
with the hero complex off my back

222
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,159
just cos I didn't finish my lunch?

223
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:41,959
You need to learn all the lingo too,
like "GGG".

224
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,959
Good, giving and game.
Which means he's sex positive.

225
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,959
Which means he wants
to respectfully and woke-fully

226
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,959
shag you senseless.
Yep.

227
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,959
SHE PUFFS
That is really educational.

228
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:51,959
Thanks for that, girls.

229
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,799
TOGETHER: You're welcome.

230
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,959
CROWD: Ohh...
Believe in ya...

231
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,959
CHEERING

232
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,639
Help me, oh, mighty gay one (!)

233
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,959
FAKE SOBBING: I lost
my mummy and my daddy.

234
00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,959
I'm a tragic little orphan
that needs saving.

235
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:08,959
First case of a justified orphan.

236
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,959
Ah...
Oh, here we go.

237
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,639
What is this dark, scary place?
What?

238
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,999
Am I in a...
What are you doing?

239
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,959
..foster home?
FAKE GASPS

240
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,959
Oh, no, please save me, Teddy Price!

241
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:21,799
I'll save you!

242
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,959
And then I'll wring your neck,
you little maggot!

243
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,959
Now, then, trouble.
What are youse talking about?

244
00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:28,479
Oh, nothing. Just having
a little chat with the girls

245
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,639
about the crusty tissues I found
under your bed yesterday.

246
00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,959
Mum, you'd best be joking.
Of course I'm joking.

247
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,959
But if you don't put them in the bin
like I told you,

248
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:37,959
I'm gonna tell the whole school.

249
00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:39,959
Where are you going?

250
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,959
Oh, I'm, er, just off to have
my meeting with the Tate Liverpool.

251
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:42,959
We're gonna put together

252
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,959
an exhibition
of your crusty tissues.

253
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,959
Put your face next to it.

254
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:49,959
"Intimate Moments" by Reece Duffy.
THEY LAUGH

255
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:50,959
Ta-ra.

256
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,799
Hey, Mum.
What?

257
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,959
Here you are, here's one I made
earlier. Disgusting.

258
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:56,959
I have a very important
announcement.

259
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,959
For anyone out there
who's suffering,

260
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,479
for anyone out there who needs hope
in their darkest hour,

261
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,639
there's a very special man
that will save you.

262
00:11:05,640 --> 00:11:06,959
Is it Jesus?

263
00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:07,999
Ted Price.

264
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,959
The hero we didn't know we needed,
because we literally don't need him.

265
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:13,959
LAUGHTER

266
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,799
The man that's gonna make all
our lives joyful.

267
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:17,959
Unlucky, Ted, lad.

268
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,959
So, please, let's hear it
for the one and only,

269
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:24,159
our saviour Ted Price.

270
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:26,479
When I say Ted, you say Price.

271
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,959
Ted!
ALL: Price!

272
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:31,960
Price! Price! Price!
ALL: Price! Price! Price!

273
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,960
HEART BEATS,
HEAVY BREATHING

274
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,959
CHANTING: Your defence is terrified,
Alan's on fire.

275
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:46,479
Your defence is terrified,
Alan's on fire.

276
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:49,959
Your defence is terrified...
What a whopping win, lads.

277
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,959
Oh, we should join
a six-a-side league.

278
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:54,959
We will piss it with Alan
on our side.

279
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:57,959
Drinks are on me, lads.
Let's celebrate this victory, yeah?

280
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,959
ALL CHEER
Your dad is sick.

281
00:12:00,960 --> 00:12:01,959
Oh, aye?

282
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,959
If I had the choice of five minutes
alone with my dead dad or your dad,

283
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,959
I'd choose your dad.
LAUGHTER

284
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,959
He has one of the sweetest
left foots I've ever seen.

285
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,959
Goated. Mwah.

286
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,959
You know why I was so good
out there today, lads?

287
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,959
Cos I don't feel the weight
of the bib.

288
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,960
I play without fear.

289
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,959
Cos there goes the fear. Let it go.

290
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:25,319
You turn around,
and life's passed you by.

291
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,959
Don't waste chances being afraid,
yeah?

292
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:31,960
Cos I'm telling you, boys,
everything you've ever wanted...

293
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,960
..is on the other side of fear.

294
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:40,639
I'm scared of karaoke,
but you know what? I'm gonna do it.

295
00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:42,319
CHEERING

296
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,960
Go 'ead, lad.
Come on.

297
00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,959
No, there's been a mistake.
This isn't the song I picked.

298
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:55,959
You got this.
Come on.

299
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:56,959
Come on, lad.

300
00:12:56,960 --> 00:12:58,479
So don't ask me... 

301
00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,959
MICROPHONE SCREECHES
Oh, God.

302
00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:02,959
Go on.
What you know is true... 

303
00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:04,799
Give me that mic, lad.

304
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,960
Don't have to tell you... 
CHEERING

305
00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,000
I love your precious heart

306
00:13:12,320 --> 00:13:13,960
I
I

307
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:17,960
I was standing there

308
00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:20,959
You were there... 
Go on, lad.

309
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,159
He has a beautiful voice.

310
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:24,960
Two worlds collided

311
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:29,960
And they could never
Tear us apart... 

312
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:33,960
CHEERING
Guitar.

313
00:13:38,960 --> 00:13:40,010
Take it away, son.

314
00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:42,959
We could live... 

315
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,479
CHEERING
G'wed, lad.

316
00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:47,959
For a thousand years

317
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,960
If I hurt you

318
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:56,959
I'd make wine from your tears

319
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,960
I told you

320
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,959
That we could fly... 

321
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,959
Hello. How's my favourite
underpaid glass collector?

322
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,959
Viv, if you're gonna ask
if I can work tonight, I can't.

323
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:07,959
I'm back in school.

324
00:14:07,960 --> 00:14:10,959
I'm not asking you to work.
But I do have a special request.

325
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:13,959
You said that'd be a one-time thing
and I'd never have to do it again.

326
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,959
I wouldn't be asking you
to do that again.

327
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,959
I've had better head
from a blow-up doll.

328
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:18,959
Our usual compere's got another gig,

329
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:21,959
so we need someone for the drag
night Thursday. What do you reckon?

330
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,959
You want me to do it?
No, knobhead, do you know anyone?

331
00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,959
I'm messing.
Of course I'm asking you.

332
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:29,959
Listen,
I think you've got something.

333
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,959
When you speak, people listen.
You grab their attention,

334
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:33,959
so it's time to stop
living in the shadows

335
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,959
and step into the lights
of my stage.

336
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:37,959
Now, don't you dare
be funnier than me.

337
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,799
Viv, are you sure?
Of course I'm sure.

338
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,959
Oh, come on, lad,
what's the worst that can happen?

339
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,959
You bomb so hard,
you become a shell of a man

340
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,959
so traumatised
you never leave the house.

341
00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:50,270
Cos I tell you what, if you do bomb,
I'm never speaking to you again.

342
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,959
Could never

343
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,959
Ever tear us apart... 

344
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,960
CHEERING
Go on, then.

345
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:03,479
My favourite bit now, son.

346
00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,960
What is it?
Saxophone.

347
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,959
CHEERING

348
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,959
Lad, this is all because of you,
you know.

349
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,959
Nice one. I'm gonna make up
for some lost time.

350
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,959
Shame, he's just told me he's doing
one of his own songs next

351
00:15:16,960 --> 00:15:17,959
called "I Hate My Son."

352
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,959
As if, lad.
THEY CHUCKLE

353
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,959
Everybody, come on!

354
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,010
I

355
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,959
I was standing... 

356
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,799
Come on, everybody.

357
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:29,960
You were there

358
00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,000
Two worlds colliding

359
00:15:35,960 --> 00:15:39,999
And they will never
Tear us apart... 

360
00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:42,960
It's you and me now, kid.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

361
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,960
This fucking skirt's killing me.

362
00:15:56,911 --> 00:15:58,959
LAPTOP CHIMES
Shit.

363
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,960
'Hello. Hello?

364
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:04,799
'Hi, Jodie.'
Hi.

365
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,959
'It's Robert here

366
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,959
'from Central Liverpool
Housing Association.

367
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,999
'I believe you came to us
via the Job Centre?'

368
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,959
Yeah, I was looking for some
part-time ways

369
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,959
to be starting my career.

370
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:18,959
I've got a law degree,
I got it in 2007.

371
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:20,959
Er, I got pregnant afterwards,

372
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,479
so I haven't really had
a chance to do anything with it.

373
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,960
'We were all young and foolish once,
my love.'

374
00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,959
Just give us the ciggies, will you?
I gave you 20 quid.

375
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,959
Lad, forget the ciggies.

376
00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,799
You should be putting food in
your mouth, you scrawny little rat.

377
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,959
THEY LAUGH

378
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,959
This morning, honestly, I had
a shit that was bigger than you.

379
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:42,959
Hey, you know in Africa and that

380
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:45,959
they have adverts on the telly
asking them to send food to you.

381
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:47,480
THEY LAUGH

382
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:52,960
Pass the ciggies, before youse both
get booted to Africa.

383
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,959
Rat. Lad, come on.

384
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,959
Are you groom bumming this
little lad, then, Ted, lad, yeah?

385
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:02,959
Kieron, you can't even spell
the word "groom". Be gone.

386
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,959
Come on.

387
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,159
I told you to leave it to me, lad.
How do you spell groom?

388
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:09,159
What are you doing?

389
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,959
I didn't say I was getting them
for you, did I?

390
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:13,960
HE CHUCKLES

391
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:19,959
I know that I'm your homie
I ain't just gonna let that go. 

392
00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,319
'I agree,
with your underprivileged background

393
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:25,959
'and your experience
of the many issues

394
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:26,999
'our clients suffer from,

395
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,319
'I really think our clients
are gonna connect with you.'

396
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:33,639
Yeah, I mean, I've had them all.

397
00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,159
Substance abuse issues,
homelessness, unemployment,

398
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:38,959
domestic violence,

399
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,959
and the big crowd pleaser,
mental health crises.

400
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:44,959
'You know,
I feel for women in your situation.

401
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,799
'It isn't easy balancing career
with issues.

402
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:52,159
'Then you stupidly get pregnant,
which only compounds your problems,

403
00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:54,959
'and you end up deeply regretting
having the child,

404
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:57,959
'as you've basically screwed up
your whole career.'

405
00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,959
Will you wind your neck in,
you patronising gobshite?

406
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,959
I don't regret anything
about my life.

407
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:05,159
In fact, I really like it,
and having that boy

408
00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,959
was the best thing
that could have ever happened to me.

409
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:08,959
Oh, and while I'm at it,

410
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:10,959
I live amongst these people
with their so-called issues

411
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,999
and let me tell you something
for nothing,

412
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,959
with all their problems,
not a one of them

413
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,159
is as big of a delusional dickhead
as you are.

414
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,959
Hey, Mum. What are you doing?

415
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:23,959
Oh, look, son.
We've got big money problems.

416
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,959
Someone's got to do some cam work
and it's not gonna be you, is it?

417
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:27,959
As if. I'd make more than you.

418
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,959
As if.
Midget porn. It's a big market.

419
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:31,959
ROBERT CLEARS THROAT

420
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:33,640
Fuck off.

421
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,799
SHE LAUGHS
Who uses WhatsApp anyway, Grandad?

422
00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:39,959
'I'm only using WhatsApp
cos Bebo's down.'

423
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,959
SHE CHUCKLES

424
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,999
Oh, my God,
you picked you on your moped.

425
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,959
Is that cos you hope girls
will look at it and think,

426
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,959
"Oh, my God.
Will you take me for a ride?"

427
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,959
SHE LAUGHS
'Have you finished?'

428
00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:54,959
So, three wins together.
Have I passed the trial?

429
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,639
Trial to be
the most annoying bellend

430
00:18:57,640 --> 00:18:59,640
who happens to be great at Payday?

431
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,159
Yeah, with flying colours.
Get in.

432
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,960
Do yourself a favour

433
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,960
Do, do, do, do, do... 

434
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,480
HE SIGHS
Little shit.

435
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,010
HE GULPS

436
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,960
FOOTSTEPS

437
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,010
How are we, kid?

438
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:01,319
You do realise

439
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:03,799
we don't have to hang around toilets
for sex any more?

440
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,959
We're accepted now.
Not having lunch today?

441
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:07,959
I'm allergic to fish.
I had a Maccies before.

442
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:09,959
What did you have?
The Big Tasty Burger.

443
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,959
That's seasonal, mate.
They don't have it now.

444
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,959
It's back, lad.
Albie, I know what you're doing.

445
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:17,959
Making up allergies,
saying you feel sick,

446
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,159
smoking so you don't feel hungry.

447
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,959
Smoking was cool in the '50s.
I don't blame you.

448
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,959
Lad, I've been where you are.

449
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,959
In this cubicle? Is this where
you hid from the Nazis in 1943?

450
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:29,959
Lad, they wouldn't execute you
for being gay.

451
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,070
They'd execute you
for being so annoying.

452
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,830
I know about that prison
in your head.

453
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,010
I know how that prison's
full of anxiety.

454
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,730
Anxiety when you catch a look
at yourself in the mirror.

455
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,959
Anxiety when you allow yourself
that one bite.

456
00:20:48,960 --> 00:20:52,959
The constant thoughts and obsessions
about food, calories, weight, BMI.

457
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,959
"You should exercise more.

458
00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:56,959
"Knew you shouldn't
have had that bite."

459
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,159
The thoughts are so exhausting,
that you think you just want peace

460
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,410
and you think that not waking up
in the morning wouldn't be so bad.

461
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,959
I'm coming out

462
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,959
I want the world to know. 
Fuck's sake.

463
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,959
Did you listen to anything
I've just said?

464
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:15,999
Why did you stop boxing?
How do you know about that?

465
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,959
My cousin
goes to the same club as you.

466
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:19,479
He says you're good,

467
00:21:19,480 --> 00:21:22,159
but a few months ago,
you stopped going. Why?

468
00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:23,959
I didn't fancy it any more.

469
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:26,959
Sure, mate, yeah.
Here's what I think.

470
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,959
You go around acting
like you're the perfect gay

471
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:30,999
who's got it all figured out.

472
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,959
Yet you don't think you're worthy
enough to box with straight lads?

473
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:37,959
Seems like the almighty gay one's
a big hypocrite.

474
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,959
Shut up, you little prick.
I'm here trying to help you.

475
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,799
If I ever wanna learn
about how to be a weak coward

476
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,959
who's one big fraud,
I'll come to you.

477
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
But until then,
fuck off, and leave me alone.

478
00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,959
Fuck!

479
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:54,480
PHONE BUZZES

480
00:21:57,960 --> 00:21:59,959
'Hi, Jodie.'
Robbie.

481
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:03,639
'Robert here from Central Liverpool
Housing Association.

482
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,959
'We'd like to offer you the job.'
You're messing!

483
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,319
I called you a delusional dickhead.

484
00:22:09,320 --> 00:22:12,959
'Upon reflection,
I realised you had an empathy

485
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,639
'and open-minded attitude
towards our clients,

486
00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:18,959
'which I think will be a huge asset
to our office.'

487
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,959
Thank you. I'll take it.

488
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:22,959
'Great.'

489
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,959
Although can we not
mention it to the Job Centre?

490
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,959
I still wanna keep my benefits,
like.

491
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,319
'I'm afraid that's illegal,
and I...'

492
00:22:28,320 --> 00:22:29,959
HE STUTTERS

493
00:22:29,960 --> 00:22:32,959
'You're joking, aren't you?'
THEY CHUCKLE

494
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,959
'Very good. Congratulations.

495
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,959
'Looking forward
to working with you.'

496
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,010
Nice one, Robbie.

497
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,960
You fucking dancer!

498
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:46,479
Who were you on the phone to?

499
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:49,960
Oh, it's, er,
little-people-porn-cams-dot-com.

500
00:22:50,960 --> 00:22:52,959
Yeah.

501
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,960
Five foot one maximum? No problem.

502
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:58,960
Bigger than two inches?

503
00:22:59,471 --> 00:23:01,959
Definitely not.
HE SCOFFS

504
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:04,959
Welcome to Boss Little Queers
These Ya Know.

505
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,959
Don't worry, lads,
if I can transform this face,

506
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:09,959
there's hope for youse, too.

507
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,639
We've got a new compere for you
this evening.

508
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:14,959
It's his first night,
so please be nice.

509
00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:15,959
Oh, shit.

510
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:17,959
And, yes, I'm looking at you lot.
THEY LAUGH

511
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:19,960
No bouncing bottles off his head.

512
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:22,959
Oh, what's he doing? The old prick.

513
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:24,959
Give it up
for the gorgeous Ted Price.

514
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

515
00:23:27,911 --> 00:23:29,959
Good evening.

516
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:33,959
Who's ready for a night
of eleganza extravaganza?

517
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,100
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

518
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:37,959
ALBIE BREATHES HEAVILY

519
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:38,959
I love drag queens, me.

520
00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:40,959
Why do drag queens
always have money?

521
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:43,320
Why?
Cos she knows how to tuck it away.

522
00:23:43,911 --> 00:23:45,959
Ooh.

523
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,959
This pubeless one
is dying on his arse.

524
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,959
Shut up, Derek. If I wanted to hear
an arsehole speak, I'd fart, mate.

525
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:52,960
LAUGHTER

526
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:56,999
Just fucking pick up.

527
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,959
My curly-haired homophobic friend
in the audience tonight.

528
00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:02,959
Stand up, Con.
Come on, give him a little clap.

529
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:03,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

530
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:07,959
This boy asks me hundreds
of thousands of questions a day.

531
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:09,959
Each one more homophobic
than the last.

532
00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:11,799
It was literally someone,

533
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:13,959
"Ay, lad, if you're gay,
how come you never come on to me?"

534
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,959
Normally, I've just gone with,

535
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:19,159
"Oh, gay lads have a type,"
or "We don't fancy every man alive."

536
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:21,959
But in his case, it's because
he is one right ugly fucker.

537
00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:23,320
LAUGHTER

538
00:24:23,321 --> 00:24:27,959
And Reece is in the audience.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

539
00:24:27,960 --> 00:24:30,319
This boy has just been reunited
with his dad

540
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,959
face-to-face after 16 years.

541
00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:33,959
CROWD: Aww.
They're not estranged.

542
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,959
They just finally found a ladder
that was big enough.

543
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,959
LAUGHTER

544
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,959
HEAVY BREATHING

545
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,959
MUFFLED: Thank you so much,
everyone. Thanks for having me.

546
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,959
You've been great.
You've been a gorgeous audience.

547
00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,319
I've been Ted, and you've
been lovely. Thanks, lads.

548
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,310
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Love you so much.

549
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,960
Everyone here, I just want to say
thank you so much for being so kind.

550
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:01,959
I'm in the corner
Watching you kiss her

551
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,999
Whoa, oh, oh

552
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,959
Ooh, ooh

553
00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,999
I'll keep dancing on my own. 

554
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:11,960
CHEERING
Come on, Ted.

555
00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,959
TINNY MUSIC

556
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:21,799
Into your soul
Into your soul... 

557
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,960
MUSIC: 'Smalltown Boy'
by Bronski Beat

558
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:28,000
EXHALES

559
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

560
00:25:31,961 --> 00:25:35,959
Come on, you're gonna be seeing
a lot more of this lad.

561
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:38,319
Give it up
for the gorgeous Ted Price.

562
00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:39,959
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

563
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,639
Don't take me home

564
00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:44,959
Please don't take me home

565
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,959
Just don't wanna go to school

566
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,959
Wanna stay up all night
Watching Ted Price

567
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:53,959
Please don't
Please don't take me home... 

568
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,959
Hello.

569
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:59,479
Don't take me home... 

570
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:00,960
No.

571
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:05,639
Just don't wanna go to school

572
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:08,320
Wanna stay up all night
Watching Ted Price... 

573
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:24,010
Albie.

574
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:28,220
I'm so sorry I let you down.

575
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:31,959
ALBIE INHALES,
TED GASPS

576
00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,999
Is this Heaven?
Lad, you're in hospital.

577
00:26:35,000 --> 00:26:38,799
Oh, mighty gay one Ted Price
at gay Heaven's doors.

578
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,959
TED CHUCKLES
Please let me in.

579
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:43,960
What's the doctor said?
I'll be OK.

580
00:26:43,961 --> 00:26:47,959
So that stuff I bought
on the dark web wasn't any good.

581
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,959
I wonder what the refunds policy is?

582
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,959
TED CHUCKLES

583
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,959
I've got a confession.

584
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,959
This is gonna sound really crazy
and out the blue,

585
00:26:56,960 --> 00:26:59,959
but I think I've got anorexia.

586
00:26:59,960 --> 00:27:02,959
I am blown away, lad. Really?

587
00:27:02,960 --> 00:27:04,010
TED CHUCKLES

588
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,959
I was 11 when it clicked I was gay,

589
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:12,959
and my first thought was,
"Oh, shit,"

590
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,959
cos that's how society's
made us feel.

591
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,959
Then you put this negativity
on yourself,

592
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:19,960
and it messes up your self-esteem.

593
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,959
Anorexia makes you believe

594
00:27:22,960 --> 00:27:26,640
that if you keep doing
what it wants, you'll be OK.

595
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:29,959
But it's a liar.

596
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,959
Very good liar, to be fair.

597
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,960
Facing your inner demons is scary,
but...

598
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,959
..everything you want,
it's on the other side of that fear.

599
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,010
I got better.

600
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:45,960
You will too.
Another confession.

601
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,970
I really appreciate you
looking out for me.

602
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,960
It's been my pleasure.

603
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:59,959
Oof. Big hairy daddy hand, this.
Excuse me?

604
00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:01,959
These daddy hands
are here to look after you.

605
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:03,959
Come on, let me fix your pillow.

606
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:05,959
CHOKING
What are you doing?

607
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:07,959
ALBIE GASPS
Nurse, help.

608
00:28:07,960 --> 00:28:09,959
This old fella's
saying he's my daddy.

609
00:28:09,960 --> 00:28:11,959
Making me do things
I don't wanna do.

610
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:13,959
He's very, very sick.
Get out.

611
00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,010
MUSIC: 'Smalltown Boy'
by Bronski Beat

612
00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,000
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

613
00:28:22,050 --> 00:28:26,600
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0